I was about to give up on the last shelf when confronted with the thought to do it properly and not half-heartedly.  I got onto a chair and started clearing the shelf. And there I found two tins of Elizabeth treats.  I looked into it and thought, “ah, just leave it”. But then I threw it into the garbage bin.  It has been seven months since her passing, and these treats have all expired. There are still so many of her stuff around the house, like her bowl in the drawers, her sneakers on the bookshelf, her bathing toys and her knife and work which she refused to use as she wanted to use adult cutlery.  These little reminders of her are part of our memories of her, and there are days that I pay no attention to it but today throwing those animal-shaped biscuits away was a kind of hard. She knew where I stored them and would pull me in the cupboard's direction and point to these tins.

As I write this, I am tearful, which I haven’t been in a long time.  Three weeks ago, I entered a place of feeling gratitude and privileged to have known her, and have her part of my life.  I no longer cut short thoughts of her as it was too painful, but I now let my thoughts and memories flow into every detail. I have shared with my close friends recently, that I sensed God has healed my heart.  And for this, I am grateful for I thought this was not possible. For months this was my focus praying, for God to heal my heart.  There will always be a part of my heart missing and remembering her. I like to think of it as a scar which speaks of the pain afflicted and the healing that took place.

Throwing those treats away, and carrying on cleaning with the rest of the house, not giving it a second thought again,  I felt free from pain or heaviness.