Thank you!
Looking back at the months gone by, I never thought I would be in a “good place” again. A place of no pain and deep grief. Back in January, all I wanted to do is fast forward my life to December, with the hope that the pain would be lessor or gone.
I was so desperate for my heart to heal. The pain was so deep and my heart was hurting that I thought it might never happen. Every day, I prayed and thanked God for the healing - not my healing only but for our whole family. In the beginning, even though it hurt, I would look at Elizabeth’s photos and videos on most days. I would do this until it stopped hurting.Over the past months I read and listened to everything that would help me gain a greater understanding about death. It has brought great insight and I will write more about that in the future and about the many facets of grief.
I am so thankful to God, for healing my heart. Even though it feels that not much else has happened in my life in the past year, I can truly celebrate His goodness and faithfulness. The year has gone past so quickly, and it could have been different and I am grateful that it isn’t. I can hardly imagine that eleven months ago - today, we said goodbye to Elizabeth. I remain thankful for the privilege of having her in our lives. I am also thankful for the many prayers that sustained us. I have learned to value your prayers and remember how dependent I was on them. Thank you!
You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book. Ps. 56:8
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10
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Joy comes in the morning From June onward last year, I kept having a thought that filled my heart with joy and renewed hope—“Next year this time, I will hold our new bundle of joy.” It was more than a passing wish; it was a deep, faith-filled expectation, a glimpse of God’s promise for our family. Then, in mid-October, we received the exciting news—my daughter Josie was pregnant! We were overjoyed and amazed at how quickly it had happened. And so, the next season of prayerful waiting began—the gender reveal. I was convinced it would be a boy. In my small, human way of thinking, I assumed God wouldn’t give us another girl again. But how little I understood His ways! It was a girl! How often do we try to predict God’s plans, only to be reminded that His thoughts are higher than ours? As the months went by, however, fear tried to creep in. Again and again, I had to surrender my anxieties and declare, “Lord, I choose to trust You.” Then, in the final trimester, doctors discovered a complication that should have been noticed much earlier. The initial news was overwhelming for both the parents and me, but after consulting with a doctor friend, we were reassured. A conversation with my best friend, whose daughter had faced the same diagnosis just a year earlier, gave me even more peace and clarity. She encouraged me not to let fear cloud my faith. Instead of spreading worry, I chose to keep it in prayer and trust our Heavenly Father. And in that trust, I found total peace about Penelope’s well-being. Then, on June 6th, just a day after my birthday, our beautiful rainbow baby, Penelope, was born—perfect, whole, lacking nothing. This journey reminded me that when we ask God for something, we often expect a smooth and easy process. But faith isn’t just about receiving the promise—it’s about growing through the journey. God builds our trust, strengthens our character, and deepens our dependence on Him. It’s like a birthing experience—sometimes painful, sometimes uncertain, but ultimately, leading to something beautiful. If you’re an expecting mother or facing uncertainty in pregnancy, hold onto faith. God knows the baby He is bringing into your life, and He will equip you for every step ahead.